“Are you a boy or a girl?”
I’m not a fan of wearing bras, and my sister isn’t too happy about it. Initially, she saw my behavior as deviance. She would say: “You’re a girl, you have to wear a bra. I already bought you the ones without wires so you can be the most comfortable.” Now she’s changed her approach to trying to convince me that it’ll affect my health; if people knew, I might be sexually assaulted. That got me thinking a bit.
There was a time when I didn’t feel masculine enough and I tried to fake being more manly, regardless of what people said. But then I realized I didn’t need to completely suppress my femininity. I like being in the middle.
In the summer, when I wear T-shirts, bras are mandatory. In the beginning, when I had to put on a bra again, it wasn’t comfortable, but the discomfort was more so mental than it was physical, like I’m being pressed into a mold. One day I decided to wear overalls without a bra. My sister found out and yelled at me for a while. She kept yelling: “Are you a boy or a girl?” Sometimes, the answer isn’t so simple. I cried a lot that night, then I called a friend and kept crying. I’m a simple person, I cry when I’m yelled at, but this time feels like a combination of other factors. Nothing was very clear then.
I slowly realized that I am non-binary and asexual. I even came out to a bunch of people, with the exception of my parents and relatives. Essentially, I didn’t know how to come out to my parents, I didn’t know how to mentally prepare them. And also the sex stuff, parents don’t like talking about it with their children, so I wondered if coming out was even necessary. I know that no matter what, my parents would still love me and would not want me to suffer, but I don’t think they’re ready for their kid to come out yet. I don’t think they’ll ever be ready.
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Rồi Sẽ Ổn Thôi (“Gonna Be Alright”) is a project that collects coming out stories from the LGBTIQ+ community and their loved ones in Việt Nam. To find out more details or to read more stories from the project, please visit our official social media site on Instagram at ComingOutVN.
