“I like both the same way.”
By the end of 10th grade, my mom noticed that I was dressing differently, so she asked:
- If you dress like this, are you into boys or girls?
- Actually, I like both the same way.
- So you’re a bê đê*?
- Oops…!
Ever since then, I’ve been labeled as “bê đê”. Whenever I get a bad grade, my mom would yell, “Damn you bê đê, is this what you call studying?” It sounds sad, but my mom’s a teacher, so she’s a little strict, she also teaches at my school. My dad is different, though, he’s much more subtle, he figured out from the way I dressed. He shows his affection in the ways he cares for me, he would get me things in my style everywhere he went.
Since we’re bringing up old times, when I was in the 6th grade, I had a crush on a boy. I had my dimples back then, I wasn’t as chubby as I am now. Then, in the middle of 7th grade, I met the “gay awakening” of my life, she’s smart and pretty and funny. I only dared to hold hands then, went out for food, maybe a kiss on the cheek. Then one beautiful day she said we should stop talking to each other. Until now, I still can’t find another like her.
These days, my mom keeps asking me if I’ve fallen for anyone yet. Any time she sees me with anyone, she’ll start speculating:
- Is that one your girlfriend?
- No, she’s just my friend.
- So you haven’t had a girlfriend yet?
You see, my life is sad (and hilarious) that way!
*bê đê: a Vietnamese term commonly used to mean homosexuality. Once derogatory in nature (from the French for “pedophile”; English equivalent: “fag”), the term has been reclaimed by the LGBTQ+ community to celebrate their identity.
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Rồi Sẽ Ổn Thôi (“Gonna Be Alright”) is a project that collects coming out stories from the LGBTIQ+ community and their loved ones in Việt Nam. To find out more details or to read more stories from the project, please visit our official social media site on Instagram at ComingOutVN.
