“Just do what feels alright to you.”
My dad was never completely against me from the beginning, nor was he as adamantly against LGBT as when I first came out, but he always chose to ignore whenever he heard about this topic. One time, I had a business trip abroad, and since my dad was home then, I asked him for a ride to the airport. I wanted to take this opportunity to come clean about having a boyfriend, just in case anything happens… I won’t have to face him for the next couple of days.
Before I left, I had some confidence. I had a plan, a subtle scheme. Then, I got in the car and freaked out. The car drove on, passing Nhật Tân bridge, almost reaching the airport, and I haven’t said a word. I was just as nervous then as when I came out 5 years ago, my arms and legs were shaking, my heart went wild, I couldn’t sit still. I knew if I didn’t tell him now, there wouldn’t be another chance for dad and me to sit and talk, but my throat closed up. I didn’t know how to start the conversation. I thought that there was no accomplishing anything if I stayed silent. Screw it, I mustered up some courage and spoke timidly:
“Hey Dad…there’s something I wanted to tell you…so…the fella I was gonna take on that Phú Quốc trip with you and Mom, we…have been together for almost two years. I didn’t want the trip to be awkward, so if you wanna ask anything…ask now.”
My dad didn’t respond.
Oh my God, I swear I was thousand times more nervous then than I was before. I got scared, then worried that he’d refuse to go on the trip because that silence obviously meant trouble. I peeked at the mirror to see his reaction and his face was just as tense, his eyes were glued on the road, and he froze like a statue, no movements at all. On that ride, I could only hear car horns, then the occasional scooter zooming past, but the 10 minutes of silence was horrifying, we didn’t say a single word to each other. Then, he turned to me and said:
“What you just told me…your mom might be the only one who doesn’t know…I had to know before I agreed to go…You know what I want from you…but if that can’t be done then we’ll deal with it, just do what feels alright to you.”
**********
Rồi Sẽ Ổn Thôi (“Gonna Be Alright”) is a project that collects coming out stories from the LGBTIQ+ community and their loved ones in Việt Nam. To find out more details or to read more stories from the project, please visit our official social media site on Instagram at ComingOutVN.
