“But everything takes time.”
Honestly, it wouldn’t be right to say that I had to come out, because I’ve been this way since I was a kid. I mean, when I was in kindergarten, I knew I liked girls and I always loved wearing boy’s clothes. When I grew up, my mom didn’t think much of it, just that her child was a little over-energetic, a little mischievous, and loved athletic wear, nothing wrong with that. Then, when I made more changes to my appearance, I felt like everyone accepted it pretty easily. Maybe it’s because I’ve always been a little different since I was young, I’ve been dressing and acting like a boy, so no one seemed to mind now. What’s more, my dad passed away when I was 6 years old. When I turned 15, I started working to earn some money, and since then I was considered a family’s man, the main source of income for the household. My mom saw that I made a decent living for myself, and there was no difference between myself and other people, so she accepted any of my gender challenges much more openly.
But everything takes time. It’s been 10 years since my mom started noticing my different gender expressions, see, so it’ll take more time for others to understand. It’s the same way for everybody, you gotta let them gradually get to know who you are. You can’t just rush into it going, “Hey this is who I am, you must accept me, Mom and Dad!” It’s rare that anyone can accept that behavior, because when they bring a kid into this world, it’s either male or female, and with that comes all sorts of hopes and expectations. It’s not easy for them to accept that their child is going from a “daughter” to a “son.” What they need to understand is that their child is also going through tremendous struggles to escape what’s called ‘social pressures’, all the negativity from the neighbors, their family, and even themselves.
Within those 10 years, my mom tried to find information to understand me more. On the other hand, she admired me, because I took on work at an early age. I’m not loaded, but I’m really not lacking anything. I noticed that things changed drastically before and after having money. Without a stable job, no one’s gonna have faith in you for sure. But once you find success on your own path, they’ll have more respect for you and they won’t even care that you’re trans or anything. Simply, this guy can do his job, this guy is successful in his work.
Now if anyone tries to say anything about me, my mom would tell them, “Get on my kid’s level, then you can talk.”
Rồi Sẽ Ổn Thôi (“Gonna Be Alright”) is a project that collects coming out stories from the LGBTIQ+ community and their loved ones in Việt Nam. To find out more details or to read more stories from the project, please visit our official social media site on Instagram at ComingOutVN.