At first, I didn’t plan on coming out to my mom until I get a job, but I loved my partner too much. I considered her part of the family and I wanted her to go on more trips with us. That was my motivation to tell my mom.
In the beginning, my mom didn’t approve, she asked me if our family had done something wrong for me to turn out this way. She thought this had something to do with spirituality and karma. I think it was because we didn’t spend much time together, she was always working and I lived with my aunt so my mom thought she was not a good mother. She always wanted to make it up to me; she even thought that I turned out this way because she didn’t give me enough affection.”
When I came out to my mom, I believed that as long as I had my mother’s support, I can be a sinner in the eyes of the world. The whole persuasion process took around a year because I was studying and working at the same time so I didn’t have much time with her. During the period of time when she wasn’t entirely convinced, things were not too tense. It just felt a little forced because my mom had already accepted me but didn’t know how to approach me. I slowly explained to her and took my partner along with us to hang out so my mom would have a good impression.
I felt much more comfortable after coming out because people didn’t pick on me like they used to. My mom even put in a good word for me and my partner to the aunties in the house, so now every time they asked about marriage, they talked about the option of having either a husband or a wife and not just marrying a man like before.
On the other hand, my partner’s coming out experience was much more troublesome. Her mom reacted very strongly, but with time, she saw that I had a good influence on her daughter so she opened up to me; she even calls me her own daughter. I felt really lucky because my coming out experience was so easy. After my mom passed away, her family took me in as their own.
I hope that everyone in the community can successfully come out and live happily and authentically with their parents. I feel really lucky to have had a chance to tell my mom before she passed. I was myself in my mother’s eyes and I have no regrets.
Rồi Sẽ Ổn Thôi (“Gonna Be Alright”) is a project that collects coming out stories from the LGBTIQ+ community and their loved ones in Việt Nam. To find out more details or to read more stories from the project, please visit our official social media site on Instagram at ComingOutVN.