“She swore I was lying.”
My mom has always assumed she knew me so well; I didn’t think so. When I was at school, ever since I was little, I’ve been bullied and called “gay.” The adults around me always told me that I “walk and talk like a girl.” My mom knew all about it of course, but her reaction to me coming out as gay wasn’t how I expected it to be.
Because I work and study away from home, whenever I do come home, every meal with my family is a chance for my parents to ask me about my career and my life and whatnot. That day was no exception, it was the same old “you’ve grown, get your job in order, then start a family in two years, we can’t keep worrying for you.” That was kinda the final straw, I’ve had to listen to too many of those refrains, so I said: “I hope what I’m about to say doesn’t shock you, and you might’ve already known, but I like boys. I don’t like girls. So stop talking about starting a family, because I’m not going to.” I remembered the blood rushing to my face and my heart beating out of my chest as if I just did something terribly wrong.
My dad went silent for a while, let out a sigh, then headed upstairs. As for my mom, she refused to believe it, said it was because I was upset about the family thing that I thought so “extremely.” She even said that she found out about some girl I was talking to on Facebook and that was supposed to be love, so I must not be thinking this through. I had to sit and explain to her for a while, told her about how I’ve known since junior high. Then I had to prove that I wasn’t acting out of impulse. I told her about how I’m already out to my best friend. I kept talking, but she swore I was lying.
I felt so helpless that I called my best friend so they could get through to my mom. I don’t know what they said, but after that talk, my mom changed dramatically. She said she cared for me very much, and that I had to think things through. She even said she’d talk to dad, hoping he’d understand.
Thinking about it now, I have no regrets about coming out at that moment. I know my mom still somewhat hoped I was “normal,” but I felt lucky that my parents’ reaction wasn’t as extreme as some other folks. At the very least, I got to tell them how I really felt.
**********
Rồi Sẽ Ổn Thôi (“Gonna Be Alright”) is a project that collects coming out stories from the LGBTIQ+ community and their loved ones in Việt Nam. To find out more details or to read more stories from the project, please visit our official social media site on Instagram at ComingOutVN.
