A long moment of silence began to appear between me and my mom. After a little while, she knew I hadn’t told dad yet so she said she’d tell him for me. I only heard what my mom told me that by the end of the conversation with dad, he said: “Oh well, we have to play the progressive role, what else can we do now?” After that, our parents from Lào Cai and Sài Gòn got on a video call and happily and lovingly discussed our wedding.
The second moment I remember is holding incense and standing before the altar on our wedding day, with the witness of our grandparents, parents, and relatives on both sides. My dad took us upstairs to the ancestral altar where my grandpa’s photo sat. At that moment, I was in a white wedding dress and Alex was in a groom’s vest; my father stood by in stern silence. I honestly don’t know how to explain that feeling. There was a tingling feeling running across my body. I looked at my grandpa’s photo and muttered under my breath, “Grandpa, this is Alex. We’re getting married today and we’re lighting incense for you hoping that you’ll witness our union.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
I think telling my family about my true self was very challenging. It was as if I was naked before everyone’s eyes; it was so awkward and embarrassing. But above all, I knew it was a worthwhile and courageous thing to have done. I thought we were very brave standing in front of everyone. I felt a wave of emotions when Alex’s mom told me that it was their tradition for the mother of the groom to put on earrings for the bride, so she asked to put them on me.
Everything slowly became stable, and both our families seem to be more concerned about the happenings of the community. Once, my parents asked: “Is the trans law getting passed by the end of this month so you can have your marriage license?” We turned to each other and laughed out loud.
I believe that each couple has their own stories and their own journeys. For those who are in love or are about to get married, I hope that they have their family’s support and love each other very much. That’s something we all deserve.
Rồi Sẽ Ổn Thôi (“Gonna Be Alright”) is a project that collects coming out stories from the LGBTIQ+ community and their loved ones in Việt Nam. To find out more details or to read more stories from the project, please visit our official social media site on Instagram at ComingOutVN.