“The most beautiful and wonderful thing.”
My coming out story had ups and downs. Since my dad was strict, he never allowed his youngest son to learn to draw or sew. He would yell at me if he saw me doing anything “feminine.”
As I matured, that feeling of loneliness and loss grew and lingered. I chose to study psychology partly because I thought it would make me more masculine and able to change myself. But the more I studied, the more I realized that the most important learning was still to give yourself enough love and acceptance.
My peers in college were much more open-minded, but because of my past experiences of being teased, beat up, and bullied, I kept my mouth shut about who I really was. I was afraid that if I had told them, they wouldn’t want to stick around anymore, then I would be just as lonely as I had been all those years passed.
I remember doing a module on counseling, and I was assigned to be the subject. At first, I told my friends that I simply had a fear of being judged and letting other people know who I truly was. But I had felt so frustrated then, as if I was hiding something from my friends and living a lie, that it was the final straw. I told my friends that I was gay and was learning to accept myself just the way I was.
The tears started coming. I felt a sense of relief and sadness at the same time, the sadness came because everything had weighed so heavily on me. I felt guilty for those I loved, especially my family.
Everyone’s reaction was as clumsy as my “coming out” (haha), partly because they felt the heaviness and burden I had on me. The day after, they texted me and said that I had always given them inspiration; my difference was something quite endearing and they hoped I learned how to accept myself and mature. But if I had the chance to tell other people something, it’s that the differences in each individual are the most beautiful and wonderful thing.
Rồi Sẽ Ổn Thôi (“Gonna Be Alright”) is a project that collects coming out stories from the LGBTIQ+ community and their loved ones in Việt Nam. To find out more details or to read more stories from the project, please visit our official social media site on Instagram at ComingOutVN.